![]() She says Eric doesn’t fill my life with love so Jesse should fill me with pleasure. By the time her first glass of wine arrives (from Jesse, who is really enjoying us being there), I’ve filled her in on everything and she is convinced I need to have sex with him tonight. Three glasses of wine in, I’m pretty drunk when my friend arrives. My friend has a big personality, and I’m kind of shy, so I look forward to her asking Jesse the questions I’ve never had the courage to ask.Ħ p.m. I work off my laptop and drink white wine while I wait. When I’m done with work I head to Jesse’s bar - I’m meeting a friend there. What are these feelings supposed to mean? Is it normal to want to sleep with someone else when you have a serious boyfriend? Is this a sure indication that Eric is not right for me?ĥ p.m. I would have loved to fuck him that night. He gives me a really big hug, even though he really shouldn’t. I just want Eric to come home so we can really talk.Ģ p.m. It’s been so many days with my relationship up in the air. Getting coffee to bring up to work, feeling really anxious. I take a chance and say, “Love you,” at the end of the call. We talk about work and paying rent and the presidential debate. Of course I want him to beg for my love, but he’s kind of not a real person. I take his diplomacy as a sign that he isn’t interested in being with me in any real way. I want Jesse to tell me he has feelings for me, and to leave Eric no matter what happens, but he toes the line. I know Eric is still debating leaving me over this, so all I can do is wait. I tell him that Eric and I have big problems but that I don’t want to give up on us. And then we really start talking about everything. “That was crazy,” I say, trying my best to look hot and chill. I don’t want him to look at me as the girl who blows up lives, so I try to downplay everything. I can tell he doesn’t want to go there and is totally not interested in drama. Jesse and I haven’t discussed getting busted by Eric yet. As opposed to Eric who is pissed off about something (politics, mostly) all the time.ģ p.m. I couldn’t ignore that he was gorgeous but I learned that I also really enjoyed being around him. I’d go at odd times, mostly daytime, and work while having a drink. We met when I’d go to his bar and work with my laptop. He’s a great guy - super nice, thoughtful, good-hearted. He usually opens things up around now, setting up the outdoor seats, etc. He works for a film-production company and they have a shoot.Ģ p.m. I remember that he has to be up at 4 a.m. I’ve never had sex with Jesse - the bartender - but had Eric not walked in that night, we definitely would have.Ĩ p.m. A week ago, Eric literally walked into a bar as I was making out with the bartender. ![]() I’m a little embarrassed about getting caught the way I did. He is selfish and reclusive and definitely not faithful himself (though I haven’t caught him). He wasn’t there for me when I was sick with COVID. But I’m not ashamed of what I did - he’s been a shitty boyfriend. They know parts of the story but not the whole thing. I grab a drink with my sister and our mutual friend. There have been so many dramatic days with Eric, I’m just worn out and numb from it all.Ħ p.m. We still haven’t said one word to each other.ģ p.m. Eric was in the shower when I left for work. ![]() It’s not the most exciting job but it pays my rent and is a good stepping stone to another job in fashion I hope. I do marketing for a small jewelry brand. I make coffee and wonder if my stomach can even handle it. We moved in together right away, after four months it was partly logistical (we wanted to save on rent) but we also just felt more confident about our relationship then.ĩ a.m. ![]() Things have changed so much since we met a year ago at a Halloween party. Eric and I went to bed silently and we didn’t touch bodies at all as we slept. This week, a fashion marketer comes to terms with the fact that her relationship might be over: 35, in a relationship, Brooklyn.Ĩ a.m.
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